Feeling Broken

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit – Psalms 34:18

 As I write this blog post I feel, so saddened. My heart feels saddened. And I Have no reason to be. My life really is blessed. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son. We are healthy, happy, safe, warm, and want for nothing. At least not material possessions. But I know that I so feel that our family would be complete with another. It has been almost 3 years since the vasectomy reversal and after many many attempts, we still fail to succeed. So after I sent James off to work and Noah off to school. I truly broke down. In the bathtub, crying like I would never heal. All I can think and pray to go to please send us a baby, not just me but James and Noah. Noah has been wanting and praying for a sibling for so long. And I feel like I am not a good enough mother or wife to be blessed with another child. I am trying my best. Or maybe I am not a good enough Christian, or good enough person. But I do know God has a plan for us, and I repeated that over and over. But I just wish he would reveal that his timing is now. I just ask for his comfort to get me through not just the happy times but the hard times, the broken times. I pray that I see his light soon. I pray that this blessing does happen. I have seen miracles, healing and love through Jesus, I just pray that at some point I see our healing in this area. I felt Like Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth, on knees weeping, crying out for God to bless their womb.

 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. – Psalms 147:3


 I know God will heal this wound I feel we are carrying. That we are all carrying. I pray for my husband, because I know he feels like he has failed. I pray for Noah that he does not feel alone when he yearns for a sibling. I pray that He heals us and blesses us with what we have been praying for. Am I a bad Christian for praying for this. But I know I need to keep my faith, trust in the Lord, because I know when he does bless us with a baby it will truly be such a loving miracle he has brought us.


 In Christ,

 Carlise