Feeling Broken

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit – Psalms 34:18

 As I write this blog post I feel, so saddened. My heart feels saddened. And I Have no reason to be. My life really is blessed. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son. We are healthy, happy, safe, warm, and want for nothing. At least not material possessions. But I know that I so feel that our family would be complete with another. It has been almost 3 years since the vasectomy reversal and after many many attempts, we still fail to succeed. So after I sent James off to work and Noah off to school. I truly broke down. In the bathtub, crying like I would never heal. All I can think and pray to go to please send us a baby, not just me but James and Noah. Noah has been wanting and praying for a sibling for so long. And I feel like I am not a good enough mother or wife to be blessed with another child. I am trying my best. Or maybe I am not a good enough Christian, or good enough person. But I do know God has a plan for us, and I repeated that over and over. But I just wish he would reveal that his timing is now. I just ask for his comfort to get me through not just the happy times but the hard times, the broken times. I pray that I see his light soon. I pray that this blessing does happen. I have seen miracles, healing and love through Jesus, I just pray that at some point I see our healing in this area. I felt Like Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth, on knees weeping, crying out for God to bless their womb.

 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. – Psalms 147:3


 I know God will heal this wound I feel we are carrying. That we are all carrying. I pray for my husband, because I know he feels like he has failed. I pray for Noah that he does not feel alone when he yearns for a sibling. I pray that He heals us and blesses us with what we have been praying for. Am I a bad Christian for praying for this. But I know I need to keep my faith, trust in the Lord, because I know when he does bless us with a baby it will truly be such a loving miracle he has brought us.


 In Christ,

 Carlise

why do I wait so long

Hello Loves!! I am so sorry it has been almost a month since my last post. I didn’t mean for time to slip away. Trust  me, I have a notebook full of blogs waiting for me to write up. But I figured I should make a quick blog to say I am alive! I fell down my stairs in our house and have been on crutches, and trying to be momified (yeah not a word) anyways, so with that, I have been away from the computer. But it feels like an eternity! So let’s see what I can get into today.

My Walk:  Ok, I have not been to church in a couple of weeks (ankle issues), man I miss going. My Husband and I have been talking about church shopping. Finding a home church. Especially since we will be here for at the most 3 years. We need a place we all can feel like home. Like we belong. This is sometimes hard for us, because I feel as Christians, sometime they pass much more judgment  than those who don’t. I know they shouldn’t or they may not and its my warped mind, but I feel because we are an interracial couple and have a biracial child, it feels like we don’t belong to one specific church who will accept us Crazy I know. This has been weighing heavy on my heart, as we are wanting to lead Noah in being a Christian man. And Church is a HUGE part of it. We currently go to the post Chapel here, which is fine. Noah loves the kids program, as do James and I. But for James and I, we feel the church sermons and such are in need of more for us as adults. I love the Chaplain, when he does do sermons, but lately it has been a lot of guest or incoming chaplains. So sometimes, church is not what I am making it I guess. I love going to church, I LOVE praise and worship, I LOVE diving deep in my bible and walking out and feeling even more empowered as a Christian, but here, most of the time I don’t feel like that. So that is heavy on James and I’s heart and lots of prayer for this.

I have been reading My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife. I have a blog post I have been working on about submission in a Christian marriage. Boy oh Boy I expect many bad comments. Hahaha. It’s a touchy and tough subject, but after I read the book, I can review and also go over the discussion question in my blog. So be on the look out for that in the coming weeks.

“Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”—Psalm 25:4-5 (NKJV)

TTC:  Ahh TTC, I guess I will briefly go into this. But I think henceforth I may not post much on this subject. I am currently on 200mg of Clomid and will do timed intercourse this time. I think after that, James and I will be taking a break. I believe I have mourned the fact that we may never have another baby. But my little family of three is a blessing regardless. I have faith in the Lord, he has a huge and wonderful plan for us, and I just have to wait and be patient.  “Don't be worried! Have faith in God and have faith in me." — John 14:1 (CEV)

The Family:  James comes late late Friday night! Woot! Woot! *cue happy hobble dance* I am so excited. I have missed my beloved more than anyone can imagine. Or you could. But I missed that man. He is excited too. He is talking about all the things I need to cook! I am so glad he adores me… and my cooking. In other news, he did not make the E9 promotion list.  *sad face* , so he will try next year. In the mean time, we will embrace life being New Englanders. Its growing on me, I am getting used to it. Just miss my family and green chile. Almost time to order green chile too! As for Noah, he is doing well. He is ready for James to come home. He has been helpful, but as I am more mobile on my ankle, he leaves me to play with his friends. But comes to check on me. My sweet sweet boy. He is currently loving Lord of the Rings, I think he gets his nerdiness from me.

All About me:  I really am considering doing a you tube channel… any thoughts? Doing reviews, tutorials, recipes, and just vlog stuff. Its still in the works. I am first working on James to make me an office in what we called the “baby room” but as it may not happen, I am thinking this might be my niche and way to go. So I am praying on that as well.

Coming Soon:  I am getting back into the swing of things. Soo next up is review of 3 foundations I am trying, My HG (holy Grail) of products for my face, body, and makeup,  Christian wife submissive thoughts..and other grand things.

Daily Tidbits:

·         I am craving Chicken enchiladas… I need to write down the recipe and I cook them soon

·         My husband makes amazing beef teriyaki from scratch… about the only thing he cooks.

·         I need a new Crockpot

·         Debbie MacComber books. I love the Hallmark show Cedar Cove, it seems like the books would be good.

·         I am frustrated with Candy Crush level 125

·         I need to find a place to creat a great blog theme and facelift. …anyone?

Love and Blessings

Carlise